My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
