nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So many bounce houses so little time
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
