One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
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She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
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i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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