Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
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You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
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I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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