i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
