maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
