Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
