HIV tests are more positive than that guy
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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