Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
