Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
