Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
