So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
