Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
