dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
