if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
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Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
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If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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