i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
