the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
