I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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