so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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