OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
