And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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