So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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