you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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