first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
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I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
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I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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