dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
