So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
