I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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