True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
