vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
