Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
