I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
