Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
