the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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