I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
