remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
smell my finger.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
