Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
