My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
