first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
