You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
