Got a toothbrush?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
