Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
