I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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