Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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