yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
