He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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