remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
