Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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