As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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