Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
