So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
