I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
