If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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