Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
home. puking in laundry basket.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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