Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
