dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The power of my boobs compel you
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
