I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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