I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
