she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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