what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize