we're blogging at a bar
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
