i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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