This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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