so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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