I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
