Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
