Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
