They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
