yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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