There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize