Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
