I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
