You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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